Seeking God First

I didn't know how else to begin my blog today but the title seems fitting for the rollercoaster we have been on this week. Last Monday we left for Montgomery, Alabama so that Aaron could have a second interview with a neonatology group he has been communicating with for the past several months. The purpose of this visit was to introduce his family to the the other physicians and their families, visit schools, and view possible housing options for our family. Aaron really enjoyed his last visit to Montgomery and was anxious to get my input this time. Unfortunately, my participation in this "get-to-know-you" visit was brought to a screeching halt our first morning there. We had a full day planned with visits to three schools, an afternoon with the real estate agent and a party with the other physician families that night. When I woke up I had the most horrible nausea and body aches. The kind of aching where you feel like you can't even lie comfortably in the bed. I was MISERABLE! Needless to say, I was in for the most wretched stomach virus. (I must thank my precious baby Gracie for this little treat of a day. She had been sick over the weekend and one of the many joys of caring for a sick child is knowing that you are next in line.) I was barely able to lift up my head, much less go see the sites of Montgomery. Everyone was so wonderfully understanding. When Aaron was tied up with the other members of the group, their wives would take turns caring for Lauren, Jake and Gracie. I was so thankful for their kindness and generosity. Thankfully after 24 hours I was much improved. We were able to spend Wednesday and part of Thursday getting to know the area. I was already familiar with Montgomery and have always had a fondness for the community. My grandfather was pastor of FBC Montgomery for 23 years and his legacy remains today, which makes me so proud. He loved Montgomery and dedicated most of his ministry to serving God there. My Dad spent most of his childhood and youth in Montgomery, was associate pastor of FBC for a few years after seminary, and my oldest sister Kathy was born at the same hospital where Aaron would be working. I grew up coming to visit my grandparents in Montgomery and have many memories of it being a great southern town. Thankfully, these memories helped guide me a little when Aaron returned from his first interview having loved it. He was blown away by the group's openness about wanting to put faith and family first. Each member of the group shared how their faith guides them in their daily job. How they will not shy away from praying with a baby's family or gathering together to pray over a critically ill patient. This is exactly the kind of doctors that we encountered while Lauren was in the NICU and it was through that experience that Aaron decided to pursue neonatology in the first place. To be able to see God's hand come full-circle like that is humbling. Aaron was officially given a written offer and 30 days to respond. Here comes the hard part...

I'm sure you can all relate, no scenario is perfect. A move to Montgomery would not be without some sacrifice and so we have been spending a great deal of time discussing our options. This blog could go on forever as I explain each option individually but instead, I'll just give you the abbreviated version. Aaron has interviewed in multiple places over the last three months and it has come down to three choices. He has been given opportunities to either stay here in Nashville, go to the south side of Atlanta, or Montgomery. While we are so thankful for the many choices, it is an extremely difficult decision to make. There are ties pulling our hearts in every direction. There are pros and cons to each job and navigating through them all has been emotionally draining for us both. Another difficult aspect of this decision is knowing its permanency. Now of course, if there is a major problem, we would move again but in all actuality, this move will be a permanent one. We have moved around a lot for Aaron's training, but we are coming to a time in our lives, and in the lives of our children, where we would all benefit from setting down roots. The only way we feel like we can make this decision is by giving it solely away to God. We have no way of knowing what the future holds but we know that God's vantage point is far greater than ours. We are praying daily for guidance, daily for peace and daily for God's hand to show us the way. Neither of us are sleeping well, which is catching up to us. We are heavy-hearted by the weight of having to possibly step outside our comfort zones. This decision is definitely not an easy one. I was sharing all of this with a friend recently and she said something that spoke deeply to me. I told her that I wanted God to close the doors that were not meant to be open. She reminded me that God may not close the doors but rather wants to know that we are willing to step out in obedience to follow Him. To show Him that we love Him and TRUST Him enough to follow Him wherever He leads. That is exactly what I needed to hear and it remains my prayer today. Instead of praying for Him to close the wrong door, I'm praying for Him to lead us to the RIGHT door. For years I have always said that I wanted to end up living in Atlanta, near my family, but what I'm discovering is that God may have other plans. We're trusting Him completely, seeking His will above all others, forgoing the opinions of those around us and focusing on His voice exclusively. Wherever He leads, We'll go.